If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
