I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
