Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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