Do you still have your period?
I can text with my tongue
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
