she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
