Ketchup is God's man juice
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
