So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
two words: eviction party
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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