I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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