I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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