uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
