According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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