Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
