his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
