Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
