i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
