I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
