It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
