I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The uberlube is also flammable
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
