I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
