I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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