Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
honey bunches of taint.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
