Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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