We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
