my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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