The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
