I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
