I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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