I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
