hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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