New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize