You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
