I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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