1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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