Apparently you make a good broom.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
