maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize