if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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