do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
