i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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