you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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