I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
