Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
