2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
