Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
