he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize