He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
