I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize