Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
