I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dicks are not precious.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
