Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
