as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize