dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
