So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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