Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
