Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
FUCK WHALES
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