What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize