If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
