there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
