I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
