It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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