Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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