she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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