wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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