he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
