i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You are the jesus of drinking
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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