soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
