Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
