Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
