Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
