I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Shame - the story of my life.
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