I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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